Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
