no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
