how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
