I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
