Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
