Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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