Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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