i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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