im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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