I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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