last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
