There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he shaved USA in his pubs
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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