If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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