I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
