Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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