I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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