I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
