I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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