My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
