DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
