I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
