you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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