I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
