i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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