she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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