erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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