I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
