dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
