What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
