Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My vagina is very pro this idea
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
