That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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