saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
