we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
