So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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