Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
