He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Someone shattered a urinal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
