I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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