On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
