Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
