Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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