Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
