he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Alive.
So much puke
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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