hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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