Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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