I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
