forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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