Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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