I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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