nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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