Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
