the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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