All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
