Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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