I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
